Boris's new Crony.

Now that our Minister for London (yes that's you Tessa) has completely ballsed up the london elections and handed the mayoralty to the Tories on a silver platter, I am effectively the last London Labour MP standing*. Diane Abbott has been slapped down and Kate Hoey, aka "Bonkers" didn't even wait for the results to be announced before jumping on the Boris Bandwagon.

The Labour Bloggers** and myself are now what's left of the London opposition to Tory Mayor.
Sigh.
Leading from the front is Bob Piper who has just discovered that Boris has hired a black person to be his Deputy Mayor. Yup, you read that right - Ray Lewis, a black person!
This is a shamelesss hijacking of Labour Party policy if I ever saw one. Everyone knows that Black people are a Labour thing.
I never thought the Tories would stoop so low and as Bob points out, this is cronyism of the worst kind - Look at the way they're hugging for goodness sake!

Just as he was announcing that he wants the focus of his mayoralty to be on youth gun and knife crime. One of the inconsiderate shits in my Peckham constituency decides to go and get himself stabbed to death. An altogether rather convenient death, wouldn't you say? No doubt organised by the Tory mafia!

*Yes I know there are other London Labour MPs, but you can't remember any of them can you? Exactly. Neither can I. QED.
**those of them that have regained consciousness and not living in denial

On Conspiracy Theories

It's amazing how quickly a conspiracy theory develops.
Never mind that I've been blogging on and off since February about all sorts of things, some rather desperate people at StopBoris seem to think it was all a pre-planned right-wing conspiracy to boost Boris in the polls.
Raaaaaaaiiiiight.
You give the Boris campaign too much credit, methinks.

Only one person comes dangerously close to the truth here... clever, clever. Must watch out.


I can tell they are desperate from their website colour scheme.
It looks like someone has been hacking at Boris with a meat cleaver.
These people don't want to stop Boris, they want to kill him.
Good Luck with that!

I am reminded of a great quote by Thomas Sowell, who as most socialists realise is an apologist for all evil who mostly talks rubbish but occasionally he comes out with some good stuff

One of the reasons for conspiracy theories is an assumption that people in high places always know what they are doing. When they do something that makes no sense, devious reasons are imagined by conspiracy theorists, when in fact it may be due to plain old ignorance and incompetence.

It is true that by and large politicians (except me!) have no clue what is going on most of the time. Look at Gordon. Is that a man who knows what he is doing? Zackly.

What I don't know is where people get some of these crazy ideas from.
Boris is not a real toff. He never has been.
Sure, he talks the toff talk (no pun intended) but he wasn't born into a posh family like me or Hilary Benn. He's not even English! And he didn't even pay his school fees at Eton. Boris Johnson was a scholarship boy! No better than the riff raff that got a private education through the government assisted places scheme. I am so proud that I was part of the Labour Government that abolished those. Just because they're called "public" schools doesn't mean that everybody should be allowed to go there.

Labour believes in equality above all things. This means that all riff-raff should go to the same schools, not that some riff-raff start thinking that they are better than the others.

Back to Boris. His claim to pedigree is that he is the great grandson of some foreigner in a funny cap. Who? Exactly. There are no earls, dukes or countesses in the lineage of Boris The Great Pretender.

Harriet Harman Defects to The Conservatives

What a terrible day for Labour.
The telegraph opinion polls for today put us on 26% that is 18% behind the tories on 44%!!

Labour is truly doomed.
The party is in pieces and on the verge of collapse.
This is certainly the last straw
Whoever's cleaning up the mess, IT CERTAINLY WON'T BE HARRIET HARMAN QC MP! I can tell you that now.

What a bunch of sorry losers! I will be moving to a party more in keeping with people of my social class thank you very much!
26 years canoodling with the oiks is more than enough and I need a breath of fresh air!

Stuff your 5 jobs Gordon, there is nothing you can say to keep me see you on the other side of the house*!




*I wonder if I have to write a letter to David Cameron asking to be in his party, or if I can just cross the floor and everything will work out?

Vote Boris for London Mayor!

You have to give it to those Herne Hill Conservatives. They sure know how to convince a woman.
The Boris Johnson leaflet is so pretty and glossy, how can i resist?

Especially when my own party is doing so badly, I didn't even bother showing up for Prime Minister's Questions yesterday. Harriet Harman does no't do losers. No Sirreeeee...

Gordon has refused to take any notice of the helpful tips I gave him about dealing with the opposition at the despatch box. To be honest, I think he might be a tad bit jealous of my success.

I am about to do something that I never thought I'd do. Poor Jack will not speak to me. I don't expect him to understand, given his background.

April Fools?

Misogynistic, right-wing, fat, male blogger Guido Fawkes is writing that I will not be facing Theresa May tomorrow but misogynistic (he’s had 2 wives), right-wing fat male Boris Johnson. This doesn’t make any sense, is this an April Fool’s joke? I can’t tell. I’ve already memorized all my lines for Hague tomorrow and if this is true I will have to start all over again. Obviously this shouldn’t be too hard. I have heard that Boris is a clown and a buffoon, so he probably won’t be very good at PMQs and everyone will be laughing at him when

This just goes to show that the testosterone ridden Tory party clearly have no respect for the house of commons and treat the whole thing as a joke. Putting up a Johnson instead of one of my 5 shadows is a slap in the face of parliamentary procedure. They would never dare do this if Gordon was around. This is my chance to shine and I won’t have my PMQs turned into a braying session for a bunch of Hooray Henrys.