Thursday, July 31, 2008

Happy Birthday To Me

I was so morose yesterday, wondering why I hadn't received any congratulatory emails from my blog readers. I just realised that I'd clicked on "Save Draft" instead of "Publish Post".
Whoops. I never claimed to be good with computers!


A birthday is the one day in the year, when a woman reflects back on what she's accomplished and speculates on what lies ahead in the future. Analysing the decisions , asking deep questions, e.g. "What is the meaning of life?" and so on.

Luckily I've never been given to much introspection. I prefer to congratulate myself on a job well done as often as possible.
For me life has always been about plodding on and bulldozing one's way to success. That is the secret to my unflappable yet gormless self-confidence.

Yes, people like Gwyneth Dunwoody might have begrudged me this. Sniping that I thought I was one of the chosen few, but dear readers, and I say this to you with the utmost humility : I sincerely believe that I was born to rule. I do!
Surely it can't be luck that I have managed to come so far in just 58 years?

Yes, yes, I know a lot of people don't like me and call me horrible names like Harridan Harperson or Harpy- something or other. It's been like that since I was a child when I used to push and shove the girls in the playground.

I suffered the mocking sneers of the oh-so-bright scholarship girls* as my teachers called me "not at all academic, not a jot remarkable and a bit dull". Do you have any idea what that does to a person? To have an accomplished mother disappointed that after attending the most expensive girls school in the country, I still couldn't get into Oxbridge and only graduated with a second class (lower) in politics from York University, hmmm?
Now you understand why my one goal in life now is to ensure that all unaccomplished women like myself get to rise as high as possible.

Well I showed them all, didn't I? I developed true grit.
I have proved that you don't have to be the best to win. How many people do you know who have QC after their names without ever actually practising any real law**? Exactly. And yet people continue to underestimate me at their peril.

The young whipper-snapper, Milliband has another thing coming if he thinks the Premiership is his for the taking. I always, always, always get my way. Sooner or later.

You may now wish me a Happy Belated Birthday if you please.

*Yes and where are they now, hmm? Are they about to become Prime Minister - DON'T THINK SO!

** No my days at the Civil Liberties Union were spent canoodling with Jack behind the picket line. This was so that I could eventually get union support for my parliamentary career but ssshhh.. dont tell him that!


Anonymous said...


Happy birthday! It isn't the big 60 yet!

Now please go carefully. We don't want any more points on your driving licence, do we?

Although I picture you as an Isadora Duncan figure, complete with scarf in a Bugatti sports car, please watch your speed.

No more speeding in SUFFOLK, like last year. I'm sure you want to avoid any problems with Gordon there just now!

"Harriet Harman to admit speeding" (Sept. 07), Google 'Harriet Harman speeding'.

Ben said...

Happy birthday from me too.

I see the Evening Standard says that your launch of the important new law to end the unfair treatment of women for ever is your 'career peak'.

They've got this wrong, haven't they? After a peak the only way is downhill. Please assure us that's not true.

Onwards and upwards!

Anonymous said...


A suggestion for your holiday reading; the new book by Kathleen Parker, 'Save the Males'.

YOU will find it amusing.

(Google: amanda platell save the male ).

Anonymous said...

happy belated birthday.... hope this year is a good one ;-!

Anonymous said...

Harriet, I note these excellently pro-women, anti-men remarks of yours, remarks that only you could get away with:-

. "Ms Harman, who would be a formidable candidate in any contest, issued an unequivocal denial on Woman’s Hour on BBC Radio 4 that she was plotting leadership moves.

“'The men in the House of Commons press lobby . . . keep saying, "Are you preparing a leadership bid?" and I keep saying, "No". But I think it’s one of those occasions where they won’t take ‘"no" for an answer. And when a woman says "no", she means "no."'
('The Times', today).

I think that it's wonderful that you have decided to concentrate your brilliant thoughts on the one broadcasting programme, the BBC's WOMAN'S HOUR - whose listeners (mainly women) - will most appreciate your pro-women, anti-men message. A PR master-stroke, if I may say so. (Or perhaps I should say mistress-stroke?)

Yes, go for the women's vote. As you make very clear, real women don't need the so-called 'male vote'. You know who wears the pants, don't you Harriet?

Anonymous said...


Oliver Pritchett (of the 'Telegraph' 3 Aug) has stolen your clothes:

"Harriet Harman, acting PM"

-I don't know what you'll make of it. There's stuff like this:


"I have decided to take the whole family out to the country for some fresh air and so we are spending the weekend at Chequers.

"I am surprised that I still haven't heard from the editor of The Guardian about my article. I think I would now be justified in killing him."

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...


I know what to give you as a late birthday present:

"Germany hails 'bullet-proof bra'

[By Tristana Moore
BBC News, Berlin]

"It is being dubbed the new "bullet-proof bra", a new kind of Wonderbra which could help protect thousands of women police officers here in Germany.

"It may sound like a joke, but this is a serious matter - the policewoman who came up with the idea said normal bras can be dangerous when worn in combination with a bullet-proof vest."

So much more discreet and feminine than those bulky bullet-proof vest you've been wearing around London.

I'm sure you'll love it' Perhaps the bra should be named after you: Wonder Har!

(BBC News World Europe)

Anonymous said...

Harriet, so sorry to have missed your birthday - I have been away from the base, so to speak..

This is such a shame, as I promised to pop round one evening and make your birthday one you'd never forget..

But all is not lost. Let me know when would be a convenient 'free night' and I will pop round with the candles and aromatherapy oils and promise to do absolutely anything you want me to, as long as it is legal.. after all a girl should get her heart's desire, and whatever else she desires, as part of her 'birthday treat'. Toodle pip.. Alan.

Anonymous said...

Oh please sod off!