Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Harriet "Jones" for PM

My regular readers will know that I have been planning to be Britain's first female Prime Minister since my first post on this blog where I proved that Margaret Thatcher was not really a woman.

It is therefore, extremely annoying when people like Guido insinuate that I've been"secretly plotting" to become PM. What secret? What plot?If you'd been paying attention you'd have spotted enough clues, you stupid men.

Isnt' it suspicious that I always manage to keep myself on the front pages, inspite of Gordon's attempt to banish me into the Outer Hebrides of the Cabinet? Hmmm?

  • Wearing a stab vest to show how much I care about knife crime,
  • Organising a hack of my own blog and then mysteriously being the first person to talk about it here*
  • Getting those men in superhero suits to jump on my roof top (they got there again very early this morning, well done boys). This is a publicity stunt to ensure that nobody is talking about anything else but me before my 2nd take of PMQs this afternoon. Hopefully it will be as glorious and victorious as last time.
  • Helpful articles by my friends in the media, Polly and Jackie.

You don't think all of this was a co-incidence do you?

Other clues have been more subtle , with the always helpful co-operation of the BBC, I managed to organise the insertion of Harriet "Jones" as Prime Minister in Doctor Who. This broadcast a subliminal message to the country that someone called Harriet will one day be Prime Minister. She is played by Penelope Wilton who is a dead ringer for me in case people get confused and start thinking of Jacqui or Tessa.

Harriet Jones is great and eventually saves the earth by giving up her own life. The BBC did insist sadly on her eventual annihilation by the Daleks (i.e THE EVIL TORIES). This is to ensure the general public was so traumatised by Harriet's Death on TV they will ensure that this does not happen in real life in the 2010 elections**.

Please Britain Please.Let me do for the country what I have done for Peckham.

*Duh.. Of course it was an inside job! This is not a spoof blog!

** And people say I don't think ahead?


Anonymous said...

I especially liked the way you did a deliberately poor performance at PMQs to throw people off the scent, and to avoid giving Gordon a sniff of potential, er, backstabbing disloyalty, er, all in the greater good of the party, of course...

It must have been a tough job - almost as tough as Andy Murray putting on a deliberately pi$$ poor against Nadal, to allow him to wipe out Federer in the final, for the greater good..

But those acting lessons must have come in handy on a day like today, to avoid giving the public too much sight of your stellar intellect and brainpower too early, before you're able to 'go pubic' with your cunning plan...

Ben said...

Harriet: I don't understand what anonymous is saying.

I really admired your superb performance at PMQs today. I haven't actually had chance to watch much of it yet, but I'm sure you were brilliant.

What is this I hear about your plan to build more airports? I'm sure this is a really green proposal, but how exactly?

swinglowsweetharriet said...

Politics is a male game run according to male rules and is rigged against women from the start. Your achievements are ALREADY greater than those of any mere male, because you have had to be 10x as good as your male equivalents at every stage. When you move into No 10, you will take your rightful place beside the greatest women of history: Cleopatra, Boadicea, Catherine the Great, Marie Curie, Kylie Minogue, et al. Here's to the day!

John M Ward said...

I hate to burst your bubble, but it has to be stated that Harriet Jones (formerly of Flydale North) though flawed, is an intelligent, non-partisan and genuinely hard-working MP with a real conscience. The contrast could hardly be more stark.

Ms Jones never wears a stab jacket, doesn't need to read from a book of prepared material, and can cope even when Number Ten is blown up. You cannot even cope with easily-predictable stuff from William Hague.

The comparison between the two Harriets is not so much chalk and cheese as chalk and caviar, and you are the one that would be picked for writing on a blackboard.