Tuesday, July 29, 2008

This IS my moment!

A question from an anonymous reader yesterday:

"Please tell us more about how you feel as a powerful independent woman, having 10 Downing Street to yourself, as a sampler of your wonderful future."

Well, since you asked...It feels GREAT!
Why just yesterday, I invited my entire family round to Number 10 to get a feel of the place and to take curtain measurements for when we move in after party conference. As you probably know, our house on Winterbrook Road is mortaged to the hilt and the incessant Fathers4 Justice campaigners are getting rather tedious now. The sooner we can leave Herne Hill, the better.

Poor Jack looked so uncomfortable in the luxurious surroundings. Let this be a warning to all of you considering marrying outside your social class.. don't do it! My weakness for bald men of Irish extraction* is what got me into this mess, but I digress.

I gave a wonderful interview earlier, wearing my lucky jacket**, batting my eyelids seductively whenever a difficult question was asked. Gordon as usual was spitting as his reckless decision not to make me Deputy Prime Minister has done me no harm whatsoever as I am a much better performer than he ever will be. Never underestimate the power of the eyelids, people. Never. I learnt that from Princess Diana who is my idol (obviously!). It works like a charm every time.

Yes, I might have denied it in public, but this really is my moment.

*with a hint of jewish, although not enough to raise any eyebrows

** Overheard: Jacqui Smith thinks that I look like a fat cow in it. This from a woman who has yet to learn the subtle art of power dressing and thinks that getting her tits out is a sign of authority. The bitch will pay, don't you worry about that.


Anonymous said...

Yes ! But don't let it slip out of your fingers dearie - you might not get a second chance, and Milibland is already trying to make up for missing the last opportunity he had to go for the top job.

Clearly he doesn't have your 'Lucretia Borgia Ruth-lessness..' [With slight apologies to Ms Kelly] - but there is no room at the top for anyone who is not willing to stab their friends in the back.

Remember friends are expendable, but power is forever the best aphrodisiac, and you need all the help you can get ! Only teasing luv - I am sure you will make a great Prime Minister for the nation for at least, ooh, 13-15 months until the General Election...

Anonymous said...

I don't suppose you can divulge it for security reasons, but where are you and Jack going for your summer break?

I bet it isn't Suffolk!

Anonymous said...

Harriet, great to see that you are wearing your 'disruptive patterned material' jacket to enable you to easily blend in and camouflage your self in the hostile urban environment - I mean there are a lot of criminals and other miscreants who would seek to do you harm, and you don't want to make things easy for them..

Once you are installed as PM, you can go back to wearing the 'shocking pink' when you have your own Security Officers to give you 24 hour 'close protection'..

MMmmm-matron !!

Anonymous said...

Seeing as how David Miliband has starting flirting with BBC journos [winking at Vicki Young, the cheeky rascal !] I think you will have to 'fight fire with fire' !

Go on, I know it is going to be tough to flirt with Evan Davis and Tricky Nicky Robinson on the 'Today Programme', but 'It's a tough job, and somebody has to do it..' - it is all in the 'greater good' after all !

Mwah !!

Anonymous said...

Hazza babes, I think you need to try to tap into the 'wisdom of crowds' and start getting your readership of intelligent and erudite individuals to suggest campaign songs which will be played whenever you are 'in the house'.. [or 'inda house' whenever da 'yoof vote' is around..]

What about Snap and 'You've got the Power' ??

Or Stan Ridgway and 'Camouflage' ?

Or Technotronic and 'Trip on this' ?

Anonymous said...

I admit it. I've been struck.

I've got it : HARRIETOMANIA!

Ben said...

Go for it, Harriet, your time has come.

But please be careful; there are some nasty people out there. Make sure you're wearing your stab vest at all times.

What do you think your first act as PM should be? After you've hung the new curtains, I mean.

Anonymous said...

Possible campaign tunes...

Roxette - 'Dressed for Success'...

Dame Shirley Bassey's version of the Pink song 'Get this party started'..

Anonymous said...

Or what about...

Reflex - 'The Politics of Dancing'..

Auntie Flo' said...


Why do you keep digging up our grandparents? Is your government so very desperate now that it has to resort to grave robbery?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Harriet, I think you need to do something about these disgraceful, sexist swine!