Thursday, July 31, 2008

When the Cat's away, the mice will play

Never mind the ceaseless mocking of me by Quentin Letts.
That puny little man is quite frankly a literary pygmy and his derisory attempt at "satire", has fallen flat seeing as everybody else ( ok The Mirror) has accepted that I am in charge for the week.

It all reminds me of another moment in time about 30-odd years ago, when a woman had to wrench the party leadership from an unpopular man of dubious sexuality. She too was mocked, you know.

I won't be wasting this rare chance of getting my way without having Gordon bitch over my shoulder. As he's not around and it's summer I've taken to dressing a little more casually as I go to my office in Number 10, releasing my inner slob if you like.*

Anyhoo, you might remember me discussing the need for more legislation to improve equality in this country since my not very well received** Equality Bill. Well, you've probably already heard, but I am currently working hard to make it easier for women to kill their husbands while removing the inexplicable provocation defence available for men to kill women. This is to even up the huge inequity dealt out by mother nature, that allows an angry jealous husband by sheer physical strength alone to crush his wife's skulll while the best she can hope for is leaving a nasty bruise, or taking an eye out! Well, Husbands will be sleeping with that one eye open** from now on and all because of me. I love my job!

*Also, the tracky bottoms are the only things that seem to fit these days.

** Go on Sarah Brown.... you know you want to. Just do it and you will never have to wake up to that scary smile EVER again


Anonymous said...

Crikey ! Isn't that what is called 'incitement' ? Ah, but of course, we are soon forgetting you will be the ruler of the country and will be able to do anything you like !!

So you will be able to give yourself a 'presidential pardon', a bit like Silvio Berlusconi ! Won't that teach the naysayers then, when you make open criticism of yourself illegal..

Please don't post a picture of the tracky bottoms again though - it is getting harder to get excited at my age...

Anonymous said...

Harriet, don't worry about the tracky bottoms, dear - I can see that they are your way of helping to gather the votes of the sorority around you, by not being 'threatening' to Ruth Kelly who doesn't have any dress sense at all !

And who isn't half as ravishingly sexy and well-brought-up as yourself..

Anonymous said...


It's your toughness coupled with kindness that so endears; while watching the BBC tv drama last night about Saddam Hussein, 'House of Saddam', I couldn't help but think how Harriet would have done it differently.
Of course, your ruthless streak is necessary in the present-day Labour Party. But I am sure that you will kill off your nonentity challenger with kindness, without that male Saddam bullying:
"Miliband denies 'leadership' bid"
(BBC news web headline).

Ben said...


I've just had an idea. Among those Fathers for Justice protesters there must be a man with the appropriate skills: why not get him round to number 10 to change all the locks while GB is away?

Then order the policeman on the door to refuse entry to D Milliband, and anyone else who might be a threat.

TBRRob said...

Yeah -- President Harman Ruler of All -- has a kind of ring to it. Don't you think?

Anonymous said...

On the 'campaign song' theme [geddit?] what about Aerosmith and 'Dude looks like a lady' ??

Anonymous said...

Hooray ! typing in 'Harriet Harman' to Google now brings this wonderful blog into the Top Ten searches !!

Today Google, tomorrow The World !!

What about Peter Gabriel's 'Big Time' as a campaign song ?

Or the Divinyls 'When I think of you..' ?

Anonymous said...

When are you going to match little David Miliband's rhetoric blow-for-blow ?? Don't let him get a jump start at the leadership - you need to hit the ground running yourself.. So pop those trainers on, and,well, you've already got the joggers on your legs...

Viva Harriet !!

Anonymous said...


As you are the real, acting-Prime Minister, you should sack that young pretender, David Miliband. He's a pesky nuisance. You are the cat; DM is a mouse:

"MPs urge Brown to sack Miliband"

Anonymous said...

Harriet = Top Cat !

Gordon said...

Stop picking on Ruth Kelly, I think she's cute and have an unfortunate crush on her