Rising from the Ashes

I'm sure you don't need to ask where I've been these last few days.On the plus side, at least we won back Slough council!

I've been doing the rounds from studio to studio and comforting our people on the ground. After the scale of Thursday's election disaster, only a woman could do the damage limitation for Labour properly.

In testing times, people want someone to soothe and calm their nerves. Can Hazel soothe? (HA!) Can Jacqui soothe (don't think so!) err... who else is left? That's right. NO ONE. They should call me Harriet "Soothing" Harman.

Useless Gordon, wheeling me out at such an ungodly hour, 7:30am for pity's sake to make excuses for him while he cowered behind his desk.
I received an anonymous text while I was on air. "Do you have any idea how nauseating it is to have to listen to you say over and over and over again that Labour will be "more focused on listening to people and more in touch". The cheek! To be fair, I'm not sure anyone bought that rubbish. What Labour has to do is "listen and learn"?
What we really need to do is dump Gordon and get someone who isn't so bloody weird e.g. me.

Imagine it. If Gordon resigns... I would become by default, Britain's first female Prime Minister.

Don't worry though. I gave Macavity a piece of my mind and got him out there to face the music with his favourite interviewer Andrew Marr who doesn't have the balls to ask him tough questions. It did not go well. Clearly Marr's Dr. Jekyll wasn't in the building and left Dr. Jekyll to man the studio. Dear, oh Dear. Easily the most humiliating interview Gordon's ever had to do. Talk about kicking a man when he's down. Sick Stuff. At least Paxman is consistent!

Sometimes I almost feel sorry for Gordon, he had absolutely no idea what he was getting himself into, but I mustn't grumble as his loss is my gain. People would be crazy not to make me leader after the hash he's made of things!

I admit I have been giving Gordon lessons (out of pity of course) on how to deal with Cameron at PMQs, My "I will not take lessons from so-and-so" riposte has been working a treat, although I don't know if it is going to work this Wednesday. No line is fool-proof when you've got the lowest share of the vote for Labour in over 40 years. Tomorrow I will be sitting as far away from Gordon on the front benches as possible. It's the sensible thing to do.