Fathers 4 Justice on my F*@!$%ing rooftop.

A mysterious group called Fathers for Justice have broken into my house and are bouncing about on my rooftop as I blog.

The horror of it all!
Luckily I am not at home, but in our more secure house in the countryside away from the rabble of South London (spit!).

This has completely justified my £200,000 legal bid* to keep MPs expenses private as I said on the politics show.
Publishing our addresses is a bloody security risk!

Yes, yes I know it would be very easy to find out that I lived on Winterbrook Road without having to dig into my expenses -my gobby neighbours at number 22 and 26 have seen to that! Although one can't blame them as it isn't easy living next to a celebrity especially one as posh as me. Sigh.

But anyway, why are Fathers For Justice attacking my home?
Probably because I opposed the new measures to make sure they will be named on their children's birth certificates?
If so, well what can I say? It never ceases to amaze me how ungrateful people can be**.
I am merely trying to spare poor children the embarassment of being associated with an undesirable father. There are many people who for instance would rather not have it known that their father was a Tory MP, or had been to prison, or even worse...both. Yes I do mean you, Jonathan Aitken. Look at the damage he has done to poor Victoria, who is now a table dancing rapper and was last seen shaking her bootie on a hip-hop video. What has Fathers 4 Justice got to say about that, eh?


*It failed, but no need to worry about me as it was taxpayers money so I'm alright, thanks for asking!
** 'Tis a well known fact that the greatest prophets such as myself will alway be rejected by their own